Compromised.....

Imagine yourself in a hot air balloon.. Gliding way above the whole world.. You reach the ultimate heights.. The sky seems within reach.. You stretch out your hand.. The cottony clouds are just a touch away.. You reach out to the clouds, fingers wide open, jubilant to discover how near you are

Then, at this exact moment, the balloon deflates.. You begin your steep descent to the ground.. The clouds are fast moving out of your reach, the ground seems closer by the minute.. Thats when you notice the mother of all rocky mountains, Grand Canyon, you are heading for.. So, actually you are screwed.. You are zooming out, far far away from your skies and are headed to a ground where you would not even be able to find a footing..

Wat do you do?? Where do you go, except straight down??

This is a feeling I remember. Every compromise has reiterated this emotion. This emotion of loss that could have been avoided, happiness that could have been enjoyed. There is always this lingering question. Would it have been better had I not compromised?

The fact is that I would never know.. Because every time I am choosing a course of action, I am steering my destiny towards a new direction.. Every decision entails respective actions, reactions and counteractions.. So, sorry to sound like an MBA, but there is no right or wrong decision.. Its all relative.

However, many a times the choices are crystal clear.. I know what I want, or at least what I don't want.. I still choose the seemingly right things, just to appease the expectations around.. The turmoil inside never seems to matter.. I wonder why??

Is it because I think I don't deserve to be happy?? Or do I think that everyone else's happiness is more important than mine?? Or maybe I like playing a martyr?? Am I in love with the feeling of sacrifice, where I can proclaim that I have done so much for others?? Yet I never seem to have done enough for myself.. Why?? Why this indifference towards my own happiness?? Why this incessant urge to be everything to everyone?? How will I ever be able to accomplish it?? Is it necessary to lose myself to make others happy??

Uff!!! Too many questions.. Too few answers

So till I find some answers, and some peace while I am at it..... Cheers!!!